The Hufflepuff Shuffle
by haleyisafangirl
Summary: Oneshot AU in which James is a prince and the Hufflepuff shuffle is humiliating enough that it will only be performed under dire circumstances... such as losing a bet to one Lily Evans, perhaps.


**Author's Note: I sure hope this oneshot is worth it, because formatting this story has been a nightmare on my stupid computer. Riding the struggle bus, guys. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this AU! I've had the idea for ages and finally wrapped it up today. Keep your eye out for a nod to Into the Woods (which I saw this weekend and loved)! Enjoy reading!**

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><p>Sirius's fist came slamming into James's nose, and he heard an ominous snap as red poured out and spattered the front of his shirt. "Stop being such a bloody prat!" Sirius screamed as James lunged forward, throwing the fighting pair to the ground. James landed a knee in his groin, for which he received another blow to the head in return. "The world doesn't belong to you!"<p>

At this moment Remus and Peter walked in, fresh from helping some of the girls study, and they immediately rushed forward to pry their other roommates off each other. Remus restrained Sirius while Peter held back James, and the group was silent for a moment. "What the hell?" Remus eventually demanded, and both Sirius and James began at once.

"He just started throwing punches-"

"He's walking around like he owns the entire school-"

"Talking about how I need to grow up when I think fistfighting-"

"Needs to deflate his ego-"

"Calm down about the whole thing and be rational-"

"Enough!" Peter finally shouted, silencing the pair. "This has got to stop. Sirius, you go first. What's the problem? And I want it summed up into two sentences, please and thank you." The authoritative tone Peter had picked up slightly surprised the boys, but Sirius spoke.

"Just because our lovely James here is a prince, he's walking around like he owns the entire school. He needs to learn that he's not entitled to fame or fortune or whatever else he thinks he deserves."

James began his two sentences without instruction, but the rest of the Marauders let it slide. "Sirius needs to learn how to handle conflict without letting things get violent. I would probably listen to what he had to say if he used his mouth instead of his fists," he said smugly, and Sirius nearly had another go at him.

"Apologize," Remus commanded. Both boys murmured something of an apology without really looking at one another in the eye. "I'm going to bed," Remus said forcefully, implying that everyone else should do the same. They complied.

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><p>The next day, the entire school was buzzing that James Potter had a black eye. He tried to avoid the all-seeing eyes of the school's many gossips, but to no avail: they were everywhere. Very few people noticed Sirius's injuries, which included a swollen lip and slight limp. Even fewer cared.<p>

Sirius was started to get used to always being second-best to his friend. After all, James _was_ a prince.

That was the nature of their fight, really, and every fight they had. James's head hadn't been too big when he originally showed up at Hogwarts in first year; he'd even kept his princehood a secret for the entire first term, except for telling his roommates. And even when people found out, he never rubbed his heritage in people's faces. His Quidditch success and academic skills, sure, but never royalty. Then over the summer holidays, he had actually done something as prince, passed some law for his small island nation off the coast of somewhere foreign and exotic, and it was like his eyes were opened to the knowledge that he was, indeed, royalty. And he acted like it, which made sixth year nothing short of a nightmare.

Lily showed up by Sirius's side as they left the Charms classroom, and it only took one semblance of a greeting for Sirius to launch into his well-rehearsed tirade about his best friend's royalty. "And you know what he's going to do? He's going to go running off to his little island and have the best doctor in the world make sure his gorgeous face won't have any permanent damage while I could go rot in the dungeons and he wouldn't even care!"

"He would care, Sirius."

"... It would take him a while to notice, though. Too consumed with borrowing makeup for his pathetic black eye."

Lily's eyes grew wide. "He did not!" she gasped incredulously, but Sirius was serious.

"The prat is wearing makeup. A girl's makeup! He borrowed it from some fourth year, she nearly passed out!"

Lily burst into uncontrollable laughter, delirious at the thought of Hogwarts's beloved prince wearing makeup. They entered the Potions classroom together, still cackling, Lily shoving Sirius playfully as he turned it all into a crude joke. They sat at the same desk, Lily knowing full well that Sirius was getting the better end of the deal since he was rubbish at Potions.

James watched their walk across the room with just a hint of jealousy. He sauntered over. "Associating with a traitor, Evans?" Lily visibly tensed, while Sirius's face transitioned from joyful to livid.

"What do you want, James?" she asked quietly.

"Just saying I'm much better at Potions than Sirius, if you don't want to spend the entire lesson explaining things just to fail."

Lily scoffed, gaining enough courage to look him in the eyes. "There is no way I could ever fail at Potions."

"Look who has an ego now." James smirked, with a glance out of the corner of his eye at Sirius, who had remained remarkably silent.

"I…" Lily paled as she tried and failed to defend herself, but Sirius came to the rescue.

"Come off it, James. Everybody knows Lily is better than you at Potions. She's just not insufferably proud about it."

James stepped closer, black eye glinting with something like malice and shimmering with eyeshadow and a poor attempt at concealer. "Prove it."

"Fine," Lily said, to both of the boys' surprise. "Tonight. Same classroom. Midnight... Wolfsbane."

James's feet were nearly touching Lily's, but he stepped again closer, so that he towered over her. "Want to make it interesting?"

"Loser has to do the Hufflepuff shuffle tomorrow morning on the breakfast table," Sirius piped up. Even James, Prince Know-It-All, looked ready to back down after this. The Hufflepuff shuffle was a ridiculously embarrassing song and dance number that the Gryffindor boys had invented in second year after Amos Diggory made fun of Marlene. Rushing to her defense, they had wanted to blackmail Amos Diggory into performing it. Though the plan had fallen through, the now sixth years still remembered every lyric and move.

But James wouldn't back down from the challenge, and Lily wouldn't let her confidence fail her now. Without another word, James thrust his hand forward and they shook on it.

The class continued without any indication of the deal, other than Lily smiling sweetly at Slughorn and requesting that he be their judge. Slughorn wouldn't mind bending the rules for some of his favorites, especially as Lily presented it as an academic challenge instead of a competition purely for humiliation.

"You can't lose, Lily," Sirius whispered grimly to her as they made their potion. "Please."

Lily smiled at him. "Don't worry. He won't have a shred of dignity left when this is all over."

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><p>The fumes in the Potions classroom grew proportionately with the frizz in Lily's hair. James ran a hand through his every five seconds to get it out of his face, but Lily snapped on a rubber band in the heat of the competition for the convenience and heat reduction of a ponytail. James frowned next to her.<p>

Sirius had taken up the habit of shouting out "Go Lily!" at random intervals, which irked James more than anything else. Remus paced back and forth, and Peter was "accidentally" knocking over Lily's vials at inopportune moments. Her curse words were even more creative than Sirius's. Slughorn was humming cheerily at his desk, happily consumed by a book.

Lily smiled to herself as she remembered a trick that Severus had taught her for mixing in the exploding ginger eyelash, an ingredient they had used when having a similar friendly competition of their own. James seemed to be struggling with the same ingredient, and something about the way the sweat glistened on his skin in the dimly lit dungeon made her heart lurch with the desire to help him. But then she remembered the Hufflepuff shuffle and his crown, and smirked maliciously as she turned back to her own cauldron.

Which Peter soon promptly knocked over with fifteen minutes left in the competition.

"Peter Pettigrew, you great clumsy little-" Lily began, but her cries were drowned out by Sirius's as he lunged for Peter, who looked truly sorry as the first fist landed in his gut. Remus pried Sirius away. "Just how much did you pay him, Potter?" Lily shouted, whirling to face James, who mock-gasped in indignation.

"Pay him?" he asked sarcastically. "What ever do you mean?"

"O-ho! Thirteen minutes left!" Slughorn cried out from his desk, completely oblivious to the argument going on. Lily turned quickly back to her potion, scrambling to scoop together its remnants. Sirius still looked like he was primed to commit murder as she dashed to the shelves to add more of this, something to cancel out that, a substitute that would take less time than its original counterpart. She was flying, moving like a hurricane, in a fury that slightly resembled possession. Even Sirius forgot his anger for a moment while he watched, transfixed, as Lily pieced her ruined potion back together.

The timer rang out and both competitors set down their equipment. They still had an hour to wait for it to brew, so Lily and Sirius slipped away to the opposite side of the classroom from Peter and James, though not without Lily throwing a glare over her shoulder at Peter. Remus opted to actually lie down in the middle of the classroom floor and take a brief nap rather than pick a side.

"Lily, I'm so sorry, I can't believe Peter, and now you have to do the Hufflepuff shuffle-"

"No, I don't!" Lily answered Sirius's concerns with an almost alarming eagerness. She gave a small smile. "I think I still managed to pull it off."

Sirius's large grin was contagious, and he suddenly just burst out in all his excitedness. "Oh, you brilliant girl, you!" He hugged her tightly, and she dissolved into laughter at the sheer prospect of winning. Oh, victory would be sweet.

James watched from the other side of the room as his heart gave a small tug, biting his lip as Lily embraced Sirius. Even with Peter and five Galleons, Lily might have completed her potion on time. It had looked different than his, more purpleish and bubbly, and James could only hope that it was because hers was wrong and his was right. Unfortunately, he also found himself hoping for her forgiveness, or friendship, or at least a smile or something, which was a feeling he wanted to shove away into some dark hole deep inside him.

All but Remus had dozed off when the timer dinged again. The potions were ready.

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><p>Sirius was biting his nails more than Lily as Slughorn compared the potions, stirring them occasionally. Lily just smoothed every piece of clothing she was wearing a thousand times over, while James's fingers were knotted in his hair. The wait was agony, and they were speechless as both contemplated the victory that seemed to be just out of reach.<p>

Finally, Slughorn straightened from his crouch over their cauldrons and cleared his throat. "Only one of you has brewed a sample of wolfsbane which would be effective," he announced. Remus's eyes flickered hopefully at this, but he was sure not to let anyone see. "And that person is… Lily."

"Lily Evans, I could kiss you!" Sirius cried as he lifted Lily off her feet in an enormous hug. She shrieked with delight.

"Ready to do the Hufflepuff shuffle tomorrow, Potter? I'll ask around and see if there's a tutu you can borrow!" But James didn't answer Lily as he stormed from the dungeons, Peter close on his heels, Remus trailing behind soon after. Their abrupt departure didn't stop Lily and Sirius's cheers; they kept applauding her brilliant performance until the yawns outnumbered the whoops of celebration. "We should get some sleep," Lily said to Sirius. "Want to be wide awake for breakfast tomorrow!" They burst into enthusiastic laughter once more as they headed up the stairs to Gryffindor Tower, still delirious with the victory pulsing in their veins.

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><p>"What's he doing?"<p>

"Isn't that James Potter?"

"The poor thing, his black eye looks so painful…"

"Why's he standing on the table?"

The entire Great Hall was whispering as James stood carefully between two platters of sausage. He began singing the song in practically a whisper and kicking his feet a maximum distance of two inches, but Lily wouldn't have it. She stood up on her seat. "Your attention, please!" she shouted, and either her position as Prefect or the authoritative and possibly threatening look in her eyes caused people to heed her command.

James took a deep breath and began.

"Well I've got some stuff to tell you

Hufflepuffs will never smell you

I've got warts like a toad

And a great ugly nose

The Hufflepuff shuffle is my dance

You can expect me to prance

Hufflepuff shuffle, Hufflepuff shuffle

Better than a chocolate truffle

Hufflepuff shuffle, Hufflepuff shuffle,

Hope you don't get in a ruffle

From this Gryffindor who's really hot stuff

I think it's time we've had enough

I'll leave you now, it's not a bluff,

This is the shuffle of the Hufflepuffs"

And James finished the jig, which looked even better coming from someone on top of a table in front of an enormous crowd. The Great Hall burst into cackling, rolling on the floor, tears leaking out of their eyes laughter as he huffed, jumped down, and stomped out of the room.

"That was the best thing I've ever seen," confirmed Sirius, wiping tears of laughter from the corner of his eyes.

"Absolutely," Lily agreed. She and the Marauders continued laughing until their sides hurt before anyone spoke again.

"Do you think he'll come back?" Peter fretted, though he looked like he was holding in another giggle.

Sirius shrugged. "You do know it serves him right, don't you, Wormtail? He needed this. It'll be good for him to remember that he's human like the rest of us."

"I hope you're right, Sirius," Remus said, smiling but shaking his head. At this, the Marauders' smiles began to fade, and they suddenly looked uncertain rather than joyous at the turn of events.

"He did look really upset…" Dorcas piped up.

"And he's had a rough night, I mean, anticipating the great embarrassment," Peter continued.

Lily rolled her eyes and stood. "Am I really going to have to go and find him?" she asked in a tone that implied how foolish she thought they were being. Good Godric, the boy was seventeen - he should be able to take a little humiliation. This made them look more uneasy, so she sighed and turned away.

"Are you sure that's a good idea, Lily?" Remus called after her as she walked calmly out of the Great Hall.

"You all don't seem to have any better ones," she replied over her shoulder, and though the boys bit their lips in nervousness, they didn't make any effort to move. Lily sighed as she exited the room and found none of them following her; it really would be her task to take care of the situation.

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><p>"James?" she asked softly, knocking on the Gryffindor sixth year boys' dormitory door.<p>

"Go away," he responded, his voice muffled. She ignored him. The door was unlocked and swung open at just a light touch.

"James, you're being an idiot."

"Only because you made me look like one."

"James…" Lily sighed disappointedly.

"Everyone laughed, Lily!" he said, sitting up from where he lay dramatically on his bed, as though he was dying or ill and not just extremely embarrassed. "It was awful!"

"They laughed because it was funny, you goof. Have you ever actually laughed at yourself?" Lily stood in the same spot in the doorway, crossing her arms.

"Lily, they all… they all think I'm some sort of fool!" he pleaded desperately, and curse her stupid crush on the moron, the one that had been in the back of her mind all this time, the one that had made her stomach flutter with butterflies when he stood so close to her as he dared her to the competition. Curse the crush that made her feel some compassion for the prat now, after his punishment was over and he was left thinking everyone hated him.

"No one thinks you're a fool, James," she chided, crossing the room to sit next to him on his bed. "Everyone will be back to worshiping the ground you walk on by next week. You've got nothing to worry about."

James shook his head. "No one worships me, Lils."

Lily dismissed his statement with a raised eyebrow. "Since when did you start calling me Lils?" He blushed at this, shockingly.

"It doesn't matter," James brushed it off. "Everyone will be calling _me_ Hufflepuff Shuffle from now on."

"You're being ridiculous."

"No, I'm not-"

"Yes, you are!" she suddenly burst out, rising from the bed as James stared up in alarm. "You make such a big deal out of everyone loving you that you're blind to the people who would love you regardless of your stupid country! Sirius is the best, most loyal friend anyone could ask for, and Remus likes you because you're kind to him, or at least you were before all this stupidity happened! Marlene has and always will trust you, ever since you didn't tell anyone about her most embarrassing moment first year, and me? I've been in love with you for two years now but I've never said anything because I knew a prince like yourself wouldn't deign to associate with a Mudblood and a commoner like me!" Lily breathed shakily in through her nose, finished with the rant. James's jaw was nearly at the floor in shock, which made her feel positively miserable as she began her next statement. "You're human, exactly like the rest of us. Just… I dunno. Think about it or something." And James was left staring after her red hair disappearing through the doorway.

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><p>"Your attention, please!" James called from where he stood on top of the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, in the same spot where he had stood the morning before. The crowds around him grew silent, but not without some snickers and someone hollering, "Doing the Gryffindor Roar, huh, Potter?" from across the room. Surprisingly to his friends, he actually laughed at this.<p>

"Unfortunately, I am not here to perform again." This was met with a chorus of boos, which he also laughed off. The Marauders looked uneasy; even they didn't know what was going on, especially as James had been so silent and reclusive the evening before.

"It has come to my notice that I have a few things I need to say. Firstly, to Peter Pettigrew." He turned to face the boy in question, who was turning as red as a tomato as the entire Great Hall stared. "You, sir, are an excellent friend. You're a hard worker, and you listen well, and you're so trustworthy. And I think that those are truly amazing, and I'm very grateful to know you. I'm sorry if I don't tell you that enough.

"Next, to Remus Lupin." He turned again to the party in question. "You're just great, mate. Really and truly. I've never met someone who fought so hard when it felt like the world was against him, and I'm so, so proud to be on your side. I'm sorry that I've blown you off recently, because there's no excuse for that, but the responsibility of being your friend is never a burden. It's a privilege, and I'll remember that every day for the rest of my life, I promise.

"Marlene McKinnon." The blonde smiled appreciatively up at James as Lily squeezed her hand under the table. "You and I have always understood each other, ever since I stepped on your foot at Platform 9 3/4 when we were eleven and you told me off for a solid five minutes. It's important to have friends who really get you, and I know I haven't been there for you as much as I should have. If you're in for some more understanding, I'd love to make that up to you and really just listen to what's been going on in your life. I'm sure it's interesting and wonderful, just like you.

"It is to Sirius Black that I owe the biggest apology," he shouted a little more loudly after a pause. "Because I have been a blithering idiot. Padfoot, I'm so sorry. You've seen me, and you've called me out, but you've always stuck with me just the same and you've never given up on me. Not a day will go by ever again, I swear, when I don't remember to thank God and whoever else for your friendship. We just fit together, mate. We're brothers, we're the same, and truly, you're my better half. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Please, forgive me." Sirius hadn't been able to look him in the eyes this entire time (from Lily's seat next to him she suspected he was crying), but he nodded and the widest grin spread across James's face.

"Lastly," he said, jumping down to stand directly behind Lily's seat as she turned to face him. "Lily Evans. This girl is the most fantastic, brilliant, kind, wonderful girl to ever walk the earth. She is brave and loving beyond measure, and I don't care what I have to do to tell her that every day." At this he knelt to the ground and conjured a bouquet of roses. "I will grovel and beg and humiliate myself if it only means she smiles at me, because Lily, you are more than worth it." He stood up again and addressed the entire group. "All of you are. I'm so sorry for the way I've been. As long as I get to be with you all for the rest of my life, I don't care about what anyone else thinks. I'm an idiot and a fool but I just hope you'll let me be your idiot and fool… Yeah. That's it. I'm sorry." He exhaled quickly, finally finished, and the Great Hall watched in anticipation for someone to make the first move.

"Oh, c'mere, you," Lily said, and grabbed him by the tie, pulling his mouth down to meet hers. The Great Hall erupted in cheers as their kiss set off fireworks in both their hearts. And then everyone was standing, and pounding James on the back, and both he and Sirius were crying so hard you could only call it blubbering. The prince's crown was forgotten, and all that really mattered was a messy head of black hair and glasses framing hazel eyes alight with the glow of wonder at how a human like him could ever be so blessed with humans like these.

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><p><strong>Author's note: Yay! Go James! I know this was a little longer than my usual stuff, so I appreciate you sticking it out until the very end. Hope you enjoyed and have a lovely day!<strong>

**From one fangirl to another,**

**haleyisafangirl**


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